Posts Tagged ‘armageddon’

I’m a Paranoid Conservative Republican

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

p style=”clear: both”>Hello, My name is Betsy and Bill let me write his blog for him today. He needs to learn some morality and how to love his country so I guess I’ll tell you about myself and how I do everything right all the time always and no one else can correct me because I am right.br />br />I love God. I love God so much that I’m going to spell HIS name in all capitals from now on. Oh GOD! /p>p style=”clear: both”>I think that the media has a liberal bias. The facts do NOT have a liberal bias, its just that those reporters are so liberal, thats all!/p>p style=”clear: both”>I love that Sarah Palin don’t cha know and also too her kids also and also too also I pray to GOD to help fix her retard baby./p>p style=”clear: both”>I love America. America is the greatest country on the planet and if you don’t think so then you hate America and if you think another country does something better you also too hate America and you should go live in Russia you communist!/p>p style=”clear: both”>Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States, don’tcha know! Also too he is a terrorist. He comes from a Muslim country and also too he is also a socialist too also and also too an atheist too as well as also a Muslim too./p>p style=”clear: both”>I fly a flag every day in front of my house because that makes me love my country./p>p style=”clear: both”>I follow all of GOD’s rules. I don’t kill babies. In fact, because GOD hates baby-killers I indoctrinate.. err.. umm.. I mean recruit… or wait… I find young enthusiastic young people who are also too Christians to volunteer to strap bombs to themselves and die for all the innocent babies while sending all the baby-killers to hell when they walk through the abortion clinic doors./p>p style=”clear: both”>The military loves America. Do you support the military? If you don’t support the way you hate the troops. You want the troops to die if you don’t support the war. Also too you are also a terrorist too if you don’t support the war./p>p style=”clear: both”>We Christians are not terrorists or extremists like those Muslims and here’s how: We believe that the end of days is upon us and that if we are to go to heaven we need there to be a war in Israel so we support Israel and make sure the government gives them all the weapons they want. With each new war around the world we are one step closer to Judgement Day! God speaks to out leader, George Bush, directly and he told George that HE wanted him to President! Isn’t that amazing? GOD speaks through me too sometimes. When that happens… oh wait, I think its about to happen, hang on…. here it comes…. blaga habalala nabalagaba soo soo urrr krek thooo sssspoooj spoojikaka yama lama gropoppy… Sorry, the LORD had me speaking in tongues there. Where was I now?/p>p style=”clear: both”>Oh yeah, Liberals are pussies. They always want to talk about stuff and make plans and study junk. Eff that S. We Republicans are take charge people. We went into the Eye Rack without enough troops because we knew GOD was on our side. GOD loves AMerica and thinks all other countries are heathens./p>p style=”clear: both”>Being a good Christian is hard sometimes. People really hate you. But those people have the devil in them. Especially thos homos! Homos are awful terrible disgusting people because they have AIDS and have sex in their butts and have sex with three or four or ten other men all at once. Its so ewey. Gross! Those people are going to hell. All they have to do is get saved. They just need to decide to be straight and go against every fiber of being in their body that tells them that being straight is natural for them and then commit suicide because they lived the worst biggest lie. Its better to kill yourself than to be a faggot!/p>p style=”clear: both”>–Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Betsy, the stereotypical Republican. Send all hate mail to her, I didn’t write this blog ;) /p>p style=”clear: both”>I would so love for some hardcore Christian as in Evangelical Republican read this blog. Just this post./p>p style=”clear: both”>Anyway, its Sunday, the other wildcard post day.br />br />/p>p style=”clear: both”>I am sick. Very sick. I feel like a turd on ice, whatever that means. I nod out all day long for some reason. I can be talking right to your face and just nod out. Its weird. I feel werid. The doctor’s office is being very cryptic with my blood work./p>p style=”clear: both”>Anyway, I’m a working man now and I’m also a schooling man too. Pretty soon I’ll be developing software and being a freelance web designer/programmer. I really love the design part of web languages but also the programming part too. I created my own PHP scripts to up date this site. When you go to the Felix pages and any other pages besides the blog and the Feed those are all run by scripts that retrieve information from a database. I even have an admin area that you’ll never see that allows me to log in and create, update, and delete the information on any page. And I wrote it all myself./p>p style=”clear: both”>Its a lot like art. Web design and programming is a very creative process. People think its only for super smart or just plain nerdy people. Its not. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to find that it attracts highly creative people./p>p style=”clear: both”>Seacrest, out!/p>br class=”final-break” style=”clear: both” />